[I’ve been doing an absolutely obscene amount of boating and camping over the past couple weeks, hence my absence from the blogosphere as of late. I have several blogs-in-progress that I should be able to post in the next couple days, but in the meantime, please enjoy this little tidbit from my life.]
This morning my sister and I met up for our usual early morning jog around Green Lake. We’re just beginning the second week of our Couch to 5K training program, so we were pretty exhausted at by the time we rounded the last curve that led to the final 100 yards before the parking lot.
That’s when I saw him. A naked man. A naked man standing in the bushes. A naked man standing in the bushes with his pants around his ankles. A naked man standing in the bushes with his pants around his ankles, wearing a ski mask. A naked man standing in the bushes with his pants around his ankles, wearing a ski mask and masturbating as if his life depended on it. And he was staring directly at me and my sister.
I immediately put my hand up to shield my eyes, quickening my step and muttering, “Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god.” Did I just see what I thought I did? The mortified look on my sister’s face confirmed I had not inadvertently fallen back asleep and been overcome by a nightmare. Just to be sure, I took a quick peek back over my shoulder. The masked man was hobbling (due to the pants encircling his ankles) around a tree in order to keep us in view… all the while continuing to frantically beat off.
My sister hurriedly gestured to a young female jogger coming our direction (and therefore headed directly into the masked man’s path) and warned her to stick to the lake edge of the path. But not before the girl accidentally got a glimpse of what no one should be asked to view without first having a cup of coffee… or a lobotomy.
What the heck is wrong with people?!?
Ugh, I need to go back on vacation immediately.
Monday, August 17, 2009
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