Bottoms Up!

As a reward for some overtime work and for completing several large projects, my office manager indulged some of my co-workers and me in a Friday afternoon at Spa Nordstrom. Oh, it was heavenly! We checked in and changed into fluffy white bath robes before heading to the relaxation room, where we soaked our feet and enjoyed tea and lemon water before being escorted off to receive our various treatments. I indulged in an antioxidant cocktail facial followed by a 60 minute massage. And all the while I couldn’t help thinking: I am getting paid right now!!

Of course, I had to leave this incredibly relaxing and therapeutic haven eventually, and my kind hosts had left an entire tray of recommended “products” up front for me. All at retail price, of course. I was able to resist each and every amazing, expensive, and ultimately unnecessary item, including exfoliates, scented neck pillows, and… what’s this? A ten-day cleanse… hmmm…

As a person with persistent digestive issues, I’m always looking for a miracle cure, so I couldn’t help myself from picking up the box to ask some questions. Recommended by the woman to did my facial, OCEA DRAINE claims to help eliminate in-depth, helping regain lightness and well being thanks to its 100% natural formula, combining organic plant complex and algae. It is recommended before starting a refining diet, and enhances a radiant complexion.

That all sounded wonderful, and combined with the glowing recommendations from several spa counter girls, I was suckered in and watched my hand as it handed over my MasterCard. (Is it necessary that I also admit to purchasing the most amazing mascara ever from Lancome? But, I digress…)

It wasn’t until Monday at work that I realized this product is a little strange. It is made in France, and I struggled to even find the English directions, which are simple enough: Daily, dilute one vial in a glass of water or fruit juice, and continue for a period of ten days. What, you may ask, does a vial of cleansing fluid look like?

Upon opening the box, I discovered ten of these thin glass tubes. After finally locating instructions in my native tongue, I learned that I needed to simply (simply?!) break off the fragile ends of one of the vials and then dump it into a glass of water to enjoy the pleasing orange taste. I felt a little bit like a druggie as I tried, as inconspicuously as possible, to use the little plastic tool to snap off the ends of the first glass tube while sitting at my desk at work. Then I spent some time using a bent paperclip to remove glass shards from the end before adding it to my glass of water and having a sip. It tasted like bong water with a slight hint of orange.

This is definitely one of the stranger cleanses I have ever done, and so far it hasn’t seemed to jumpstart the “waste removal process” as the box claims. But I’m only two days in, so we’ll see. At least it hasn’t seemed to upset my system at all, which in my world is always a plus, and I’m allowed to eat normally on it.

So, bottoms up!