Hasta La Vista!

Let's face it. Anyone who knows me at all is aware that I have been extremely unhappy with my professional life for a long time now. Lately, it's been so bad that I don't even want to go to bed at night... because I know that in the morning I have to wake up and go into work. I feel like I am constantly having full blown anxiety attacks. I end up in tears at my desk at least once a week. I’m not eating much and I’ve started smoking again. I've begun to wonder if all the glowing recommendations I received from previous employers throughout my life were false. Am I a completely incompetent employee?

Think about it. Things have to be pretty bad if I’ve been reduced to such a horrible mental state. There is nothing worse than waking up five mornings a week filled with dread over how you have to spend your day. And then spending your weekend filled with terror about what you will walk into Monday morning. Knowing that no matter what you do, it will always be wrong.

I’ve been trying for months and months (let’s face it, for over a year now) to do my job correctly. And somehow to matter what I do, it’s not right. One day I could choose decision A and be reprimanded for selecting incorrectly. So the next day I choose decision B. Nope, also incorrect. It’s a constant lose/lose situation, and try as I might to identify what I am doing wrong or how I might improve, it seems that my boss is perpetually telling me that I should have done things differently.

It’s taken me a long time to realize that the problem is not me. I receive glowing recommendations and praise from both my co-workers and my clients. However, I think there is an un-resolvable personality conflict between me and my boss. The two of use could sit in front of a red wall for hours, and as much as I could insist to her that the wall is red, she would continue to explain to me that I’m wrong: the wall is black Sarah, don’t you see? And finally I would have to admit that the red wall is, in fact, black. I was wrong – the only obvious conclusion in my supervisor's eyes.

So a couple weeks ago I made a decision. I decided that my mental health and quality of life is far more important than a job (especially one that I am not in the least bit passionate about). So I gave my two weeks notice. With no other employment opportunities lined up, yesterday I walked out of a company that has made my life a living hell for the past two years. And I’ve never felt better.

So see you later… I will miss all my fabulous co-workers and clients terribly, but am interested to see what will happen with this poorly-managed company. Karma’s a bitch.