The Perfect Man...

In the wake of my most recent dating disaster, I’ve done a lot of thinking. First and foremost, I have decided to allow myself adequate healing time by putting myself on a strict dating diet. That is, absolutely no dating until after Halloween. I figured this was an appropriate time to choose, seeing as it will have been about three months since the break, and will allow me to remain single while I am in London & Paris – awesome. I really think that people need to take time to recover after ending a significant relationship, otherwise they run the risk of meeting and dating a really great person, but unintentionally sabotaging the relationship because they are not over the previous one. That’s just been my experience.

I’ve also been doing some thinking about the type of guy I would like to end up with. Because at this point, I really see no reason in having a relationship with a man that will inevitably lead nowhere. Instead of wasting my time and getting my heart broken, I would rather live these fabulous 20-something years with my friends. I have the rest of my life to spend in suburbia with a husband, mortgage, and 2.5 kids. However, this doesn’t mean that I’ve given up dating (or men) altogether. It just means that I have become somewhat jaded and picky. And with the help of some friends, I think I have developed a pretty solid list of qualities that any man I date will be required to have. Not that I’m completely irrational and looking for perfection… Anyone with a good majority of the following traits would do just fine.

Let’s get started. In no particular order, the man I end up with should:

• Be incredibly attractive... at least to me!
• Have graduated from college.
• Have a job. More specifically, have a day job. I find it completely unrealistic for someone who works 9-5 to have a relationship with someone who works nights. Sorry all you bartenders and restaurant workers, that means you’re out.
• Be my age, or older than me. Preferably older. I’ve found that younger guys have absolutely no idea what they want.
• Not be too old for me. I have a set in stone 10-year rule… if he’s within the window, he’s still good.
• Know who he is, and what he wants out of life.
• Be financially stable, and have a plan for the future.
• Have a passport, and have traveled somewhere outside the United States.
• Have excellent hygiene. This is a big one for me. He doesn’t have to smell like cologne, but I do love that just-showered boy smell.
• Have a great smile, and great teeth. This goes along with the hygiene rule… and a good, honest smile just melts me.
• Not have a large dog. I may be able to compromise on this one, but it’s not likely. The large dog scares me, and it won’t get along with my cat. Plus, it smells.
• Never have been married before, and have no children from any previous relationship.
• Like TV enough to watch it with me when I choose an appropriately addictive reality television show, but not enough to sit like a couch potato all day.
• Not be addicted to video games. An occasional drunken round of 1980s-style Super Mario Bros is fine, but he cannot own every single video gaming system known to man. This makes me think he’s lazy. Get outside and entertain yourself!
• Know how to cook, at least for himself. And even if he can’t cook well, he should have at least one fabulous signature dish to make when he’s trying to impress me.
• Have a good relationship with his family.
• Read for pleasure, as well as information. This means the newspaper, novels, etc. Maxim Magazine does not count. Reading that in the bathroom is fine though.
• Be up to date on current events, and be willing to discuss them with me.
• Have a reasonably low, but realistic number of previous sexual partners.
• Love alternative and classic rock music, and think Pearl Jam is one of the top five bands of all time.
• Be willing to accept the fact that I hold fairly conservative views and will not change my mind about them. This does not mean he has to share my views.
• Have a sense of humor, but still remain grounded about the realities of the world.
• Exercise on a regular basis. Preferably while doing fun things with me, like going for walks, bike rides, playing tennis, going to the gym, etc.
• Be generous.
• Open restaurant and car doors for me. Sorry, I’m an old fashioned girl, and I live for this type of behavior. It’s just good manners.
• Own great jeans, and know how to wear them.
• Be a romantic. Surprise me. Believe in fate.
• Know the difference between confidence and cockiness.
• Have no tattoos or piercings.
• Be a non-smoker (no chewing either) and non-drug user.
• Think Seattle is one of the best places on earth, hands down.
• Play a sport. I don’t care what.
• Enjoy a night partying out on the town with friends (his or mine) just as much as a Saturday night at home, watching a movie and cuddling on the couch.
• Love food and wine.
• Be willing to compromise.
• Not make fun of me for my occasional bad eating habits. I love mac ‘n’ cheese, and I love Big Macs. Deal with it.
• Be completely honest in all words and actions.
• Never have dated, slept with, or hit on any of my close friends.
• Play a musical instrument.
• Have been in at least one serious, life-altering relationship. However, he needs to have been out of it for at least one year (dating since then is quite all right) and the insane ex must be totally out of the picture.
• Must not be an only child. Way too many issues there.
• Be willing to get to know my friends, and bring me around his friends.
• Be responsible. Gets the bills paid each month.
• Have several significant, long-standing friendships (with both males and females).
• Make me feel like I am the only woman on earth… absolutely NO wandering eyes while you are with me. What you do on your own time is your own business, as long as it’s just looking, which reminds me…
• Not have a history of cheating.
• Know the difference between when I am just complaining, and when I actually want him to do something about it.
• Like to give kisses on the forehead.
• Be willing to introduce me to his family, after an appropriate amount of time has passed.
• Want to get married, someday.
• Understand that if I let you touch my feet, it’s a big deal.
• Keep promises.
• Love children, and want to have at least two.
• Be able to do his own laundry, and lives in a decent place.
• Understand how important my friends and family are to me, and make an effort to get to know them.
• Be ambitious, and have dreams.
• Be an absolutely amazing kisser.

If anyone knows this guy, please give him my phone number. I’m available to go out November 1st.