“Happiness is a habit – cultivate it.” – Elbert Hubbard.
I have this yearly “Thoughts and Quotes on Friendship” calendar that I keep on my desk at work, and that’s the quote of the day. It reminded me of some things I thought about this weekend.
I have known a lot of people throughout the years who have very negative outlooks on life. Most have that horrible attitude of, “Woe is me, everything bad happens to me, nothing good, it’s just not fair.” Bullshit. I’ve always had the outlook of, “The harder I work, the luckier I get.” It drives me crazy when people just sit there thinking that life happens to them. Life is what you make of it. Proactive choices and actions are what allow a person to move his or her life in any desired direction.
But the most frustrating problem I have seen with many of my friends is their inability to be alone. I know far too many women who are unable to define their lives, or who they are, without the direction of a relationship. I see women stay in bad relationships because the option of being alone is far too terrifying. This is not a phenomenon I can understand. Granted, being alone is a bit scary, especially after coming out of any substantial or long term relationship. But for me, I would much rather be single and emotionally available to meet the man of my dreams than stuck in a dead end relationship that is hindering any chances I might have of being happy. Anyone post breakup takes steps to not be alone… we make perpetual plans with our girlfriends, join different activities, and generally do anything possible to avoid sitting at home staring at the phone. But this is a healthy way to avoid “being alone.” It involves the support of friends, and the chance to emotionally heal and move on.
It’s frustrating to watch women think so poorly of themselves that a abusive relationships becomes appealing. I do want to be in a healthy, happy relationship some day. And in the meantime, I want to spend quality time with my friends, and figure out exactly who I am and what I want/need out of life. The only want to do that is by being alone. A person cannot define themselves by their relationship. Everyone needs to learn how to stand on their own two feet, and like doing it. Once this happens, I think it is far more likely that you will develop some standards, and not settle for an unhealthy, unhappy relationship.
I guess I just don’t understand what’s so scary. I have a plethora of amazing friends to surround myself with. I can pretty much keep myself occupied every night of the week. The point is I know that I will meet someone some day, the person that I’m supposed to be with. So instead of wasting my time on unhealthy, dead end relationships, I would rather spend these fabulous, single, 20-something years enjoying life to its absolute fullest. I choose to be happy. I wish others could see that this choice is available to them as well. At this point in our lives, you’d hope we would have learned something about ourselves, and what we deserve out of life. Happiness. It’s a choice.
"Maybe the past is like an anchor holding us back. Maybe, you have to let go of who you are to become who you will be." -- Carrie Bradshaw, Sex & the City.
