Becoming Mr. & Mrs.

I am pretty much vacation central lately. I can't remember the last time I spent a full weekend in Seattle. And as I stated in a previous blog, most of my "vacations" have been due to friends getting married. Some of these events have required a little more effort than others, and since the upcoming ceremony will take place at the opposite corner of the country and I am a bridesmaid, it requires probably the most energy of all.

So, in just a few short hours I leave for sunny Florida. I have to say I’m pretty excited about the mini vacation; not so excited to wear a black, floor-length, satin dress in the stifling heat. The day has finally arrived… Cailin and Clint’s wedding. It seems like just yesterday she called screaming that she was engaged, and now she is about to become someone’s “wife.” Super weird.

I’m actually pretty excited for the trip, which includes tons of fun events and activities, including:

• A stay at the Marriott in the penthouse suite
• Dinner in Altamonte Springs
• A bachelor/ette party with rock star limo service
• Manicure/pedicure & fancy hairdo
• Wedding rehearsal
• Rehearsal dinner
• Cailin and Clint’s wedding and reception
• A night out in downtown Orlando

I’m hoping to also fit in some poolside lounging time. The only thing I’m worried about is the forecast, which for the day of the wedding warns of a 50% chance of precipitation and thunderstorms. Yes, the wedding is outside.

I’ll be back on Monday with one less single girlfriend… Hasta!

RICH! Where are my keys?!?

Well, I survived Memorial Day Weekend 2007... barely. Because I need to immediately take my bruised and battered body back to bed, here’s the quick recap. Don't judge. In a span of less than 72 hours I managed to:

• Pass out in the back seat of my own car. By myself.
• Lock my keys in my car.
• Become completely intoxicated between the hours of 8 a.m. and 9 a.m. while waiting for AAA to come unlock previously mentioned car.
• Use caution tape stickers as pasties (in lieu of a bikini top).
• Hang my bare ass into the Columbia River to avoid peeing in the boat.
• Eat total shit in Evan’s lawn while 10 people laughed and pointed.
• Lose most of my possessions including my shoes, earrings, sunglasses and previously mentioned car keys.
• Have a dance party in an old man’s garage.
• Ride an electric motorcycle with a perfect stranger.
• Take at least 10 beer bongs (four of which occurred in a span of 20 minutes).
• Let Kelly cut a splinter out of my hand with a steak knife.
• Walk barefoot through probably about a half mile of gravel.
• Build the highest Drinking Jenga tower I have ever seen in my whole life.
• Live through what I can only describe as a hurricane – thanks to Tara’s heater.
• Gain probably 10 pounds by existing entirely off beer, liquor, cheesy brats and Swedish Fish.
• Realize that I am far, far too old for this type of behavior.

Somebody check me in.

Welcome to the Happiest Place on Earth

Pretty much the best drinking partner you will ever meet
Only a rare man would have the balls to wear this outfit

Honestly... who are these guys?
The first of many, many beer bongs
Vanessa, Mike & Tequila Shots
Island Oasis
Cheers!

Why is my life so fantastic?
Before the madness

"I can't be seen kissing the make-out king"
Whoops

More beer, please!
Calm before the storm

Beer Bong for breakfast - Day 2
Paradise

Carrie, Sarah & Kelly - Still drinking, obviously
The best game of Drinking Jenga ever played

Dance Party USA
Sarah and... Robert DiNiro?

Party Girls

I want to go back... immediately.

Sunland

Yes, boys and girls… it’s that time again: Memorial Day Weekend at the Gorge. Although I’m not going to Sasquatch Festival this year (the Beastie Boys and Bjork didn’t quite do it for me) I can still guarantee that I will be basking in the sun all weekend clutching a drink like my life depends on it.

This year I was lucky enough to be invited my friend Evan’s cabin in Sunland, an adorable little vacation community on the Columbia River just south of the Gorge and a few miles north of Vantage. I decided to bring along some of my best girlfriends, so I know I am once again in for the time of my life. Not only does Evan’s Sunland cabin come equipped with a giant grass lawn perfect for volleyball, croquet or pitching tents once the cabin is full, there are also tennis courts, a pool, and grassy fields that lead right down to the water. And if you’re lucky enough to have two friends with a shiny new boat… well, your life is pretty much complete.

Tucked in the cliffs about 10 miles north of Vantage is a little paradise that Seattleites have grown to worship – The Sand Bar. It’s the perfect place to get away from city life, where just a quick boat ride delivers you onto the sandy beaches of what can only be described as Utopia. A place where the booze flows like water, the men are half naked, everyone dances in a state of euphoria, and hours pass like minutes as boats rock girls in bikinis to sleep in the sun. The haven has even become popular enough for its own MySpace page. And according to the Web site, “What happens in Crescent Bar… stays in Crescent Bar.” Sweeter words have never been uttered.

See you guys Monday. And I would prefer that no questions are asked about unexplained bruises, loss of memory or possessions, etc. Happy Memorial Day! Party like a rock star…

Captain Jack McCool

Just a little shout-out to my baby brother, who is pretty much hands-down the coolest guy I know. He's a rock star. His latest and greatest adventure in extreme sports (since the end of rugby season) is longboarding... although it looks like he may need some more practice.


Now tell me you don't want to date him. Hands off ladies, he's only 18!

In other news, last night I finally allowed my friend Steve to drag me to the movie 300. I have to say it wasn't that bad. For those of you who don't know, 300 is a retelling of the ancient Battle of Thermopylae in which King Leonidas and 300 Spartans fought to the death against Xerxes and his massive Persian army. This then inspired Greece to unite and fight for democracy. I know... sounds super boring. But since Steve had already seen the movie six times, I decided that it might be worth a Tuesday evening.

There isn't a whole lot of character development (I didn't feel any sadness when one main character Spartan got his head sliced off - I actually felt worse about the horses being stabbed). However, I don't know how they did the casting for this movie, but I think it must have been something like, "Only gorgeous men weighing at least 200 pounds of pure muscle, zero percent body fat, and absolutely perfect abs need apply." So I basically spent two hours looking at hundreds of perfect specimens of the male body, all of whom were wearing what can only be described as a speedo. There is also a particularly hot sex scene near the beginning, so overall, I have to say that I was fairly entertained. Thanks Stinger.

SPARTA!

Straight up, now tell me... is this necessary?

I think today’s mass media has gotten completely out of control. When I go to The Seattle Times online each morning, I just want to quickly scan the headlines, see what’s going on in the world, etc. So is it really necessary for the AP wire to have as one of its top stories: Paula Abdul breaks nose in dog mishap? Of course, out of pure curiosity, I clicked the link, thinking another vicious breed of dog had probably gone mad and attacked a former super star. I should have known the story would be nowhere near that exciting. Paula simply tripped while trying to avoid stepping on her Chihuahua. But not to worry, despite bumps and bruises, Paula will still appear on American Idol tonight and its season finale Wednesday. Well, thank the Lord.

Are we honestly calling this type of thing news-worthy? I am currently disgusted by journalism. Save that crap for the gossip and tabloid sites, don’t put it ABOVE the story about the U.N. relief convoy hit in Lebanon battle. That’s just embarrassing.

I prefer to catch up on my celebrity gossip in the afternoon, and now my schedule is all out of whack. I’m off to browse a real news Web site.

Case of the Mondays

My week really hasn’t started off very well. For one thing, life has been so crazy that I haven’t been able to do any of the things that I usually do do on weekends… laundry, pay bills, phone calls, grocery shopping, etc. This basically puts me in a constant state of stress during the week if I don't get them done. This morning when I finally got out of bed after pushing the snooze alarm about seven times, I immediately tripped over a pair of stiletto heels I never found the time to put away. After showering, I was forced to dig through a huge pile of dress pants that my cat conveniently dragged off the shelves in my closet and onto the floor for no apparent reason. Of course the ones I picked out are not cute, because all of my cute work clothes are in a pile on my floor, because my laundry basket is full. I hate starting out the week feeling ugly.

Jeanna and I only have one reserved parking spot behind our building, so we share – Jeanna the first part of the week, me the second half. This means that on Monday mornings I move my car from our parking spot onto the street. This morning was no different. I pulled out of our street and directly into a parallel spot on West Olympic, sighing with relief that it was a double-spot right in front of the bus stop, which meant that I would not have to parallel park, most likely causing me to miss the bus (again). I had just turned off my car and was about to get out when a large, construction-like truck drove past going the opposite direction. “Way to take the big parking space, BITCH!” the driver screamed. Um, ok. I’m sorry, did I do something wrong here, by parking in a wide open, completely legitimate parking space on a public Seattle street that no one else was waiting for? If so, someone please explain the rules to me. Apparently, the driver thought that I should have read his mind, anticipated that he would be needing a double-parking spot, and therefore driven another block down to find a different spot, missed the bus, and then walked five blocks down to catch the next one, causing me to be late for work (again). My bad. The irony of the situation: The asshole ended up parking his stupid truck in the space right behind me anyway. But my tires will most likely be slashed when I get home.

Since I did not have time to grocery shop this weekend and am back on Phase One, I had to resort to eating food I snagged from my parent’s fridge for lunch. Spring mix lettuce, tomatoes and cheese – boring, and now it’s only 3:30 p.m. and I’m starving and have nothing to eat for dinner. Oh, I think I might have some cottage cheese in the fridge at work, but it is most likely expired. I’m somewhat tempted to just give up and eat the leftover PF Chang’s food from Friday that is mocking me from in there. NO SARAH. THINK BIKINI THIS WEEKEND.

To top everything off, I’ve spent the entire afternoon preparing for a meeting that just got postponed until tomorrow. Hence why I had time to write this little rant. Somebody help me. I need a drink, pronto. Damn you, Phase One.

Happy Monday.

Surviving Wedding Season

This year, one out of every 62 Americans will get married, and another 295 million will be their wedding guests, according to a CNN online article, entitled “Surviving Wedding Season.” Damn. Why wasn’t this written a month ago, before I had already attended three showers and a wedding?

As a person in my mid-‘20s, it’s not surprising that I have been inundated with wedding mania lately. It seems that graduating from college means it’s time to get married – did I miss the boat? Regardless, my life has been consumed by marriages and their related events for the past month, and it’s not likely to let up for another four weeks. As happy as I am for my friends, let’s look at the reality here for a moment. According to “The High Cost of Being Popular,” also on CNN online, the typical wedding with three or four related events can cost a guest $500 and a bridesmaid $1400. If you attend a few weddings a year that could add up to several thousand dollars… not generally something a person who just finished paying off their education loans has lying around in a bank account.

This spring/summer I am a member of two wedding parties, was invited to the wedding of a friend, and asked to be a bridesmaid in a wedding next winter. (Which brings to mind, a special shout-out to Brooke and Dustin for eloping – CONGRATULATIONS!) I feel completely lucky and honored in being asked to be a part of such special events for my friends, but this back-to-back nonsense has got to stop! I can’t remember the last time I had a free weekend to myself that didn’t involve a shower, being fitted for a dress, picking up a gift, planning a party, etc. I almost feel like sending out an invitation to my friends – Carrie Bradshaw-style – asking them to send gifts in celebration of MY life choices. Which at the present time do not include engagement, sorry. OK, not really… But if anyone’s interested I wear a size 6 shoe.

Moral of the story: I attended Shannon and Phil’s wedding on Saturday and it was completely fabulous. After picking up a last-minute gift, I arrived at an estate house in Marysville, where the entire event was held outdoors. After a quick and beautiful ceremony, the reception began with an open bar (yay!) and hors d'oeuvres. Unfortunately, most of the real food had run out by the time I got up to the buffet table, but since there was still wine I didn’t complain. I just had another glass and proceeded to the dance floor. For a couple hours we got our groove thangs on to music like “Footloose,” “Shout,” “The Electric Slide” and “Shot Through the Heart” – super fun, aside from my eighth-grade style awkward slow dance with one of Phil’s football friends from CWU. I was disappointed that things had to end at 10 p.m. just as everyone was starting to get pretty liquored up and rowdy.

Instead of going to the casino with the rest of my friends, I unfortunately had to head home in order to be in Olympia by 9 a.m. to throw my sister Nichole a bridal shower. Her wedding is in two weeks and even though I had already attended her “friends” bridal shower a couple weeks ago, I had agreed to help my mother throw the “family” shower this weekend. Since it was my third shower in three weeks, I pretty much had things down. The colors of the season seem to be red, black and white, so a few dozen red roses, balloons, cake and napkins and the house looked great. Decorating all morning was followed by an afternoon of hanging out, playing games and eating with old ladies – not as boring as one might think! However, I was glad when the party was over and I could cross one more wedding-related event off my list. I’ve come to the conclusion that attending the actual big day is the most exciting part.

I don’t mean for this blog to sound like I’m complaining. Quite the opposite – I am more than happy to volunteer to be a part of these exciting and important events for the people I love. More than anything, it’s an explanation that if you’re not getting married in the next four weeks, you probably won’t be seeing me. And not for a few months afterward either, because frankly, I’m broke!

CONGRATULATIONS:

Brooke & Dustin

Shannon & Phil

Cailin & Clint

Nichole & Aaron

Tara & Winston

Love all you crazy kids to death, and wish you all the happiness in the world.