Saturday, May 13, 2006

The Great Fall

Why do we always fall for the wrong men? I get so sick of fitting in with those stupid stereotypical girls, but I seem to find myself in the same position again and again. Last night I spent the evening with some girlfriends who were either recently out of bad relationships, or currently going through bad breakups. What is wrong with us? We face the world of dating with the best of intentions, only to get our hearts broken again and again. Why do we bother?

I’m trying hard not to become jaded, but it’s so difficult not to succumb to feelings of, “All the good ones are already taken.” However, after a discussion with the girls, we do admit that these “good guys” are not as appealing as the “bad boys” we continue to chase. At one point Hannah hypothesized, “Maybe we should just go for ugly nerds?” Yes, the theory seems ingenious, but let’s be realistic… we’ve all tried dating the nice guy who is slightly below our normal standards, and what do we do? We get bored. We cheat. We’re annoyed by his constant attention. Why can’t we appreciate a guy who actually wants to fulfill our every need? Is it the thrill of the hunt? The challenge that each new asshole provides us?

The fact of the matter is, we really do want a nice guy. And the men we begin dating seem to be exactly what our hearts desire. And for a few weeks or even months, everything is perfection. Then, things simmer down. Are these guys playing games? Are they pretending to be a certain person to get us into bed before pulling their pants back on and revealing their true colors? Who knows. The point is that it keeps happening. Again, and again, and again. I’ve got to break this cycle.

Watching 20/20 last night, I learned an interesting fact. There is actually such a thing as “Broken Heart Syndrome.” According to Johns Hopkins Medicine, researchers have discovered that sudden emotional stress can result in severe but reversible heart muscle weakness that mimics a classic heart attack. Patients with this condition, called stress cardiomyopathy, have suffered from a days-long surge in adrenalin (epinephrine) and other stress hormones that temporarily “stun” the heart. So at least now I can validate the pain that I am feeling, however irrational others may think it is.

But why do we put ourselves through this torture again and again? I know I will get out alive, but how many times can your heart be broken before you can’t put it back together again? I know eventually I will heal, but at this point I can’t imagine dating again. I’ve seen so many failed relationships, the pain hardly seems worth it. If the odds are so much against us, why gamble? I think I would much rather remain slightly lonely and continue to spend my time and energy on the relationships that are truly valid, and truly important to me. My friendships. As corny as it is, I may have to agree with Charlotte. “Maybe we can be each other’s soul mates?”

Or then again, maybe we have to be willing to take the risks. Maybe the hope that the perfect man is out there will be enough to sustain us. I don’t want to give up on love. I want to believe that someone is out there who will love me as much as I love him. But regardless of being single yet again, I am still loved. By so many people, for so many reasons. Maybe I can be put back together again. Because unlike Humpty Dumpty, I’ve got a great safety net.

5 comments:

Anonymous said...

Hang in there, Sarah. Dating's always a gamble. The great thing is that you'll ultimately win and cash out. Have patience, 20-something. One girl's "bad guy" is another girl's "good guy." I've been called both. You'll find the right balance with someone. Take care. - P

Sarah Alway said...

I hope so, Paolo. Thanks for the guy advice, though. I have to admit it's comforting. =)

Anonymous said...

I'll be in Seattle this Thursday night and Friday. I'll call you when I get in to see where you and Jeanna are at.

Anonymous said...

I love you sarah!! hey, HOPE is a great thing to have. We can ALWAYS hope!! Don't give up on love.. I mean, don't be lonely.. there are WAYYY too many fish in the sea, for real.. i've been through a LOT Of breakups, thinking that i loved him and never would love again, but I always do.. it sucks for a while but time heals all wounds. I think the decision to have him stop contacting you was good. it will make it easier.. had to change my number once! haha.. i'm soo glad i'm not w/ him anymore though. God has a bigger plan. He doesn't want us w/ losers for too long. I'm so thankful now.. and if the current relationship I'm in now doesn't work.. oh well, there will be yet another man. and we will always have hope!! Can't wait to see you in July!

-Brooke

Anonymous said...

For you sarah...


Rending Lamentation

I wrought this visage with damp closed lids,
Coming to impasse a soul that was branded with love,
Ending with torturous intensity that was set by't.
The courier of pain and desolation in which,
Tears encased, purgation challenges its' very nature.
Death has no field of touch to this construction,
'Tis a toiling ascent, at this paramount of blemished
Ideals to make way the unfeeling of another.
I have nothing but contempt with tart tongue,
Saveth herein, blaspheme the name of love,
And chaste these words that blow past my tooth,
For evil doth lie truly in the heart of this impudent beast,
And forever has no mind of what it does,
A tainted blanket upon ones soul,
That covers nothing but its own frigid merriment.
I resonate the firmament to my vanity,
For God, doth have deaf ears to mine heart,
And wasted breath that alleviation hast authority over,
The spear does not subside.

To love is to contract sorrow,
To sorrow is to miss love,
Inequitable justice for the sentence,
My neck breaketh under the foot of it.

These are transient thoughts,
I am sure of it,
Love doth continue its swinging sword
And its strife within,
For the heart has a memory of short retention,
And its' scars continue an unrelenting lesson
And with it, marks the veteran that lie heavy upon the spike,
Born of bedraggled filth.
An impure lethargy hath the hold of it.