The Great Fall

Why do we always fall for the wrong men? I get so sick of fitting in with those stupid stereotypical girls, but I seem to find myself in the same position again and again. Last night I spent the evening with some girlfriends who were either recently out of bad relationships, or currently going through bad breakups. What is wrong with us? We face the world of dating with the best of intentions, only to get our hearts broken again and again. Why do we bother?

I’m trying hard not to become jaded, but it’s so difficult not to succumb to feelings of, “All the good ones are already taken.” However, after a discussion with the girls, we do admit that these “good guys” are not as appealing as the “bad boys” we continue to chase. At one point Hannah hypothesized, “Maybe we should just go for ugly nerds?” Yes, the theory seems ingenious, but let’s be realistic… we’ve all tried dating the nice guy who is slightly below our normal standards, and what do we do? We get bored. We cheat. We’re annoyed by his constant attention. Why can’t we appreciate a guy who actually wants to fulfill our every need? Is it the thrill of the hunt? The challenge that each new asshole provides us?

The fact of the matter is, we really do want a nice guy. And the men we begin dating seem to be exactly what our hearts desire. And for a few weeks or even months, everything is perfection. Then, things simmer down. Are these guys playing games? Are they pretending to be a certain person to get us into bed before pulling their pants back on and revealing their true colors? Who knows. The point is that it keeps happening. Again, and again, and again. I’ve got to break this cycle.

Watching 20/20 last night, I learned an interesting fact. There is actually such a thing as “Broken Heart Syndrome.” According to Johns Hopkins Medicine, researchers have discovered that sudden emotional stress can result in severe but reversible heart muscle weakness that mimics a classic heart attack. Patients with this condition, called stress cardiomyopathy, have suffered from a days-long surge in adrenalin (epinephrine) and other stress hormones that temporarily “stun” the heart. So at least now I can validate the pain that I am feeling, however irrational others may think it is.

But why do we put ourselves through this torture again and again? I know I will get out alive, but how many times can your heart be broken before you can’t put it back together again? I know eventually I will heal, but at this point I can’t imagine dating again. I’ve seen so many failed relationships, the pain hardly seems worth it. If the odds are so much against us, why gamble? I think I would much rather remain slightly lonely and continue to spend my time and energy on the relationships that are truly valid, and truly important to me. My friendships. As corny as it is, I may have to agree with Charlotte. “Maybe we can be each other’s soul mates?”

Or then again, maybe we have to be willing to take the risks. Maybe the hope that the perfect man is out there will be enough to sustain us. I don’t want to give up on love. I want to believe that someone is out there who will love me as much as I love him. But regardless of being single yet again, I am still loved. By so many people, for so many reasons. Maybe I can be put back together again. Because unlike Humpty Dumpty, I’ve got a great safety net.