Fat Factory

As a reward for being "Advertising Unit of the Quarter" recently, my entire department got to go to lunch at The Cheesecake Factory on Tuesday, courtesy of our advertising director. Not being one to pass up a free lunch, I wandered downtown with the rest of the real estate crew.

I was determined to keep my order somewhat within reason, diet wise, since I am still determined to get skinny enough for a bathing suit. Ha, fat chance! Anyone who's been to the Cheesecake Factory knows that their menu is more of a short novel... pages and pages of an eclectic mix of the most delicious dishes you can imagine, and all at fairly reasonable prices. Ironically, every other page is plastered with advertising. Skinny, beautiful, perfect size 2 models in the hippest trendy clothing available. It’s like they’re trying to say, “This is what you will never look like if you order from this menu…”

Anyway, after much deliberation between the sandwich and pasta chapters of the menu, I settled on a warm meatloaf sandwich. “Warm slices of our housemade meatloaf, lettuce, tomato and mustard-mayonnaise. Served on grilled bread with cold slaw and fries.” YUM. I did, however, use some self-control and replace the fries with the soup of the day, which happened to be tomato basil, my favorite. I figured I didn’t really need the extra carbs.

My meal arrived as I was halfway through my first diet Coke. I knew I should have split my order with someone, but what’s the point when it’s a free lunch, right? But the mountains of food placed before me were simply unbelievable! A bowl heaped to overflowing with mounds of coleslaw was surrounded by four HUGE sections of what must have originally been the largest sandwich ever made. Seriously, this had to be a joke, this meal had to be meant for two people. At least an inch thick slab of homemade meatloaf was encased by slices of crispy white bread, oozing lettuce, tomato and sauce. As I sat there in disbelief wondering how I was even going to pick the thing up, let alone get my mouth around it, my soup arrived. Crap, I forgot I ordered that.

20 minutes later, I had managed to finish off one of the sandwich quarters, my soup, and most of the coleslaw. Not bad, if I do say so myself, and I was STUFFED! But of course the general consensus was that ordering dessert was a must, and I began to think how well a bite of cheesecake would top off my lunch. My eyes quickly skimmed past the 6 Carb Original Cheesecake and went straight for the Brownie Sundae Cheesecake. I am so weak. But hey, it’s the Cheesecake Factory, you have to try some, right? I really did only eat a few bites, since the piece was shared between about four people, so no real harm done.

Never one to waste leftovers, I gathered up my to go box and headed back to work. Now, here is the moral of the story: I had lunch at the Cheesecake Factory yesterday. Then yesterday evening, I had another piece of my meatloaf sandwich for dinner (it was no longer warm, but still yummy). Today, I still had half of my sandwich left, so I ate another quarter for lunch (it was beginning to get a bit dry, but still tasted ok). And then this evening I ate the fourth and final slice of that sandwich for dinner (at this point I don’t want to eat meatloaf again for a long, long time).

Let’s do the math here: One item off the menu = four meals. HOW CAN THESE TYPES OF PORTIONS BE HEALTHY?!? It makes me gag to think that someone could have consumed this much food in a single sitting. Does this mean that a typical American is usually eating about four times the amount they should? If that’s true, no wonder we have an obesity problem in this country.

Ironically, as I was looking up information to write this blog, I found an article on MSNBC.com called "Cheesecake Factory is slimming down." Check it out here. The article states that the restaurant chain built its fortune on generous portions. No surprise there. However, the popular dining chain supposedly testing a menu in Los Angeles where customers will now be able to ask for smaller portions of a dozen popular dishes. But "don’t worry — you can still get full-sized portions if you prefer them." Figures. The smaller dishes do carry smaller price tags, which may make them more enticing, but I'm willing to bet that not many people head to the Cheesecake Factory so they can eat light.

Regardless, at least I got four free meals out of this experience, right?