MySpace is Evil

Yes, I am one of those guilty people who has been sucked into the black hole that is MySpace. What can I say? I work a desk job and need something to occupy myself every day. The site claims to be “a place for friends,” and for the most part, it is. It’s been a really great way for me to get back in contact with people I don’t see very often, and I like staying up to date on their lives.

I use MySpace mostly to keep in touch with old friends from high school and college who I don’t get to see very often. And I use my own page so they can stay updated on my life as well. I like posting pictures so they can see how and what I’ve been doing, and I write blogs to let them know what I’ve been up to. Not to mention the exchange of many comments and messages across the web. It’s fantastic.

My “MySpace friends” list is quite short. I only communicate with people that I know from the real world, and I have my page set as private so that no one can view it unless they contact me first. I don’t use the internet to meet new people: no offense to those that do, but I find that creepy and desperate.

However, I am guilty of being sucked in deeper than necessary. I troll other people’s pages occasionally. Why I do this, I can’t explain. Pure morbid curiosity, I guess. I check up on girls who are no longer my friends to see what direction their lives have taken. I check up on the "popular" kids from high school to see how they turned out. I check out the private lives of the people I work with. It’s horrible.

But by far my worst sin: I look for my ex boyfriends. Why I do this, I will never understand. Because I am SO over both of these guys, yet I still can’t help being curious how their lives are turning out. I can’t stop myself; it’s like an addiction. A few months ago, I found some pictures of my first boyfriend from when I was in college. They were on his little sister’s page. They were of his wedding. And even though this guy cheated on me, lied to me, and broke my heart, and even though I’ve been over him for years, I still felt like I was going to vomit as I looked at the beautiful pictures of him and his gorgeous bride. Why do I do this to myself?

Today I made the mistake of going to an old friend’s page to see what she’s been up to. Let’s just say the two of us were friends in college because our boyfriends were friends. She’s still with her boyfriend. I, however, am not. Hence, the dissolving of the friendship. But not to worry. Today I found that I have been replaced. My ex has found a new girlfriend. And even though I already knew he was dating someone else, finding her page on MySpace just made the facts that much more vivid.

I am over my ex. I had been for months before we even broke up more than a year ago. But this afternoon when I came across his new girlfriend’s page, loaded with happy pictures of the two of them together, my heart dropped and I felt bile rise up in my throat. I couldn’t look away. I couldn’t stop scrolling. I knew the smartest thing to do would be to slam shut my laptop, but my hands wouldn’t obey my mind. My eyes filled with tears and my breath quickened until I felt I was going to pass out.

Sarah. Put. Down. The. Mouse.

So yes folks, once again I am pretty depressed. I’m depressed because even though I don’t want to be with either of these men, I feel cheated that they were able to find happiness before me. I feel like I am the girl that men break up with and then go and find someone better, someone who is actually worth their love. I know that all my feelings are irrational, but I can’t help it. I can’t figure out why everyone else has been able to move on and find happiness, and here I sit. Alone on a Saturday night, writing this blog.

MySpace is evil.