Badass Chick From Iowa

This morning I woke up to a most unexpected predicament when I went down to my garage – a flat tire! Now, anyone acquainted with me knows that I know absolutely nothing about cars. They happen to be my dad’s own personal hobby, so there has never been a need for me to wash or even vacuum out my car, let alone change a flat tire.

Kelly, Jeanna and I had gone down to the Pyramid Snowcap party on Saturday night. Apparently this particular kind of beer is fairly potent, because Jeanna and Kelly only had about four each and were completely hammered. I had decided not to drink and had graciously offered to drive the girls down to SoDo. Apparently all the construction and crappy roads down there were not the best thing for my car.

Too drunk to drive home, Kelly crashed on my couch. The next morning I offered to give her a ride down the hill. I stopped dead in my tracks as we approached my car. One of the rear tires was completely flat. My heart sank and I began to panic, because even though it was Sunday, I was due at work in less than 30 minutes. Great. I don’t even know how to check my freaking oil, how the hell was I going to deal with this?

Not to worry. Sometimes it just pays off to be friends with a badass chick from Iowa. Kelly is pretty much one of the more fabulous people I have ever met. She drinks Bud Light out of a wine glass while chain smoking Marlboro Lights. She has a trunk absolutely stuffed to the brim with fabulous camping gear, and can light a campfire in less than five minutes. A water bong takes her less than 10. She sings karaoke like a rock star and wears roller skates to parties. She loves hot pink anything. She curses like a sailor and thinks cheesy brats are one of the best foods ever invented. She’s broken a guy’s nose. And if you ever get a chance to meet her, she will tell you some of the most hysterical stories you have ever heard in your entire life. You’ll either cry or pee your pants, I promise.

Anyway, moral of the story is before I could even get upset about my flat tire, Kelly already had the trunk open, the spare tire out and was banging around in an attempt to find the jack. Yes. This was way better than having a boyfriend. She jacked the car up in no time flat and proceeded to change the tire, with only a minor setback when we weren’t quite strong enough to get the lug nuts off. That took some effort and quick thinking. Turns out I picked up a nail, and now have to drive around with the stupid doughnut tire on my car until I can take it in and get it repaired. It doesn’t really surprise me that this happened, considering how much construction is perpetually happening on the streets of Seattle.

But thank God my friend Kelly happened to be with me this morning, because otherwise I probably would have just stood there and cried. Yep, sometimes it just pays off to befriend a badass chick from Iowa.