McScary

I really need to get over my McDonalds addiction. It’s bad enough when I go into the restaurant in lower Queen Anne and am surrounded by juvenile thugs and obese tourists from the Midwest. But I’ve found that the downtown McDonald on Third and Pine is a freak show of it’s own.

Desperate for a few minutes out of the office, I went down to street level today looking for something to eat. The golden arches beckoned. Ignoring vulgar comments tossed in my general direction as I walked in the door by couple of jerks, I joined the line behind the register, trying not to make eye contact with a homeless man who leaned against the wall waiting for his order. Someone must have given him enough change for a cheeseburger.

McDonalds customers never cease to amaze me, and as I waited I began my typical people watching. In front of me I noticed an extremely short (I’m talking under 5 feet tall here) guy in his early 20s. I don’t know why I took notice of him… perhaps because he was so short and wearing pretty much the baggiest clothing I have seen in a long time. He moved up in line and reached in his back pocket for his wallet. Unfortunately, this caused his shirt to become hiked up and lodged on his belt.

I could not believe my eyes. I looked again to make sure. No! The guy was wearing a diaper. That’s right, an adult diaper! I didn’t mean to stare, but as he paid for his double quarter pounder with cheese meal it was all I could concentrate on. Tell me this isn’t bizarre and random.

I finally got my food and picked a corner table to sit down and digest. Unfortunately, two large women with two small children chose to sit right next to me. So much for my nice quiet break from work. Fortunately, the children – a boy of about 2 and a girl probably around 3 – were very well behaved. Which is why I cringe when re-telling this experience.

I have never seen children treated so horribly before. As they ate their chicken nuggets and fries, the children chattered and sipped juice boxes. Apparently, this behavior was unacceptable.
“Shut the fuck up before I smack your face off!” One of the women shouted at the little girl. “Drink your juice box right!” she snapped at the boy.

A few moments later, the little girl whined and extended her hands from her high chair toward the table, reaching for more fries. “Stop it!” the woman hissed, and smacked the girl in the face. She cringed but did not cry. Then the woman noticed the little boy, who was sucking on his crumpled juice box. “I told you to drink that right!” she snapped at him, and yanked the juice box from his hands, tossing it on the table. The adorable little boy’s face fell, and his eyes welled up with tears. He reached in vain toward the table. “Oh, now you want it? Stop fucking crying,” the evil woman laughed. And in one swoop she reached out and shoved the high chair backward. It flew across the room and I tensed, ready to jump up should it topple over backward. The two women cackled at the child’s misfortune.

I felt like I was going to vomit. If I was another person, I would have said something. But under the circumstances, I was pretty sure that these two evil bitches would have “smacked my fucking face off” had I confronted them about their child-raising skills, so for my own safety I kept silent.

I tried to avert my eyes and concentrate on my lunch, but the scene was like a train wreck… I didn’t want to see what would happen next, but I couldn’t look away. The little girl dropped her stuffed toy. Strapped into her chair, she could not reach it and gestured for help. One of the women snorted, and then kicked the toy under the table. Both children wiggled and whined, trying to escape their confinements. The women talked, laughed and cursed loudly for a few minutes, then got ready to leave. This basically consisted of yanking the children by one arm out of the chair and tossing them onto the floor before stalking toward the door. “Hurry the fuck up!” they screamed.

What exactly did these children do that was horrible enough to deserve such treatment? These adorable little angels were perfect examples of 3-year-old behavior… they were polite and well mannered in public, but the mere fact that they were there and breathing seemed cause for punishment.

I’ve seen some freak shows at McDonalds before, but today by far takes the grand prize. And not in a good way. Today’s lunch experience will haunt me for a long time. As will those two poor, angelic little faces.

And that diaper.