Sunland = Funland: A Look Back

Do you ever look back and wonder, “What was I thinking?!”

I recently had an epiphany. For the past few years I’ve spent the majority of my holiday weekends at various campgrounds and cabins at the Columbia River Gorge. And if it weren’t for a very extensive photo collection, I doubt I would remember many of those glorious days spent in the sun. Because most of the time, I was pretty out of it.

I was “single and fabulous,” which apparently meant that my unattached girlfriends and I spent our vacations drinking as much as possible. Oh the stories I could tell. But my embarrassment makes me hesitate to even add links to previous blog posts about said weekends. Let’s just say I was often “that girl.” The one who everyone thinks is super fun and exciting. The one who drinks until dawn. The one at the center of the dance party. The one who takes her top off. The one who falls off the boat. The one who makes friends with absolute strangers. The one who makes everyone laugh.

The one who is alone.

That’s what I realized this past weekend. Once again, I headed to Eastern Washington for a sunny vacation with friends. Since I’ve been with my boyfriend for the past few years, my prior holiday weekend behaviors have seriously calmed down. However, we still have loads of fun eating, drinking, boating and sunbathing in Eastern Washington – would it be possible not to?

Because of Stewart’s firefighting schedule, he wasn’t able to head over with me on Friday afternoon, so I went solo with some friends. Stew was planning on joining us Sunday morning. So for two days, I kicked back with my friends for some Sunland = Funland. But I quickly realized… I was lonely. All of the sudden I felt like “that girl” again. The one everyone loves hanging out with... but secretly feels sorry for when they head to bed with their significant other at the end of the night.

I started to wonder… Did I behave the way I did because I was lonely? Did I drink myself into oblivion so the reality of being single didn’t seem so harsh? Maybe. I did have some amazing times with some fantastic friends, and the memories are priceless. But now that my circumstances have changed and I have a chance to look back, I see a silly, superficial, insecure, very lonely girl who needed to be the center of attention because that was the only attention she got. And it makes me sad for her.

And thankful for my life… now. I have wonderful friends and an amazing boyfriend that I still get to spend my holiday weekends with. I still love to party, but now I don’t do it because it fills a void in my life. I don't feel lost and alone, instead I feel fulfilled and grateful. I adore all the incredible people in my life, and am thankful that I once again enjoyed a fantastic Memorial Day Weekend at the Gorge. Here’s to many more to come!!