My parents celebrated 30 years of marriage this week, which is truly commendable in my opinion. Recently, my sister and I were reminiscing about the good ol’ days growing up… the time I broke her finger, the time she pulled out a huge clump of my hair, the time we aimed bug spray directly at our little brother’s face and subsequently had to call poison control. Yeah…
My sister also remembered a time she was a little less-than-thrilled about the fact that my dad was trying to lecture her, so in response she proceeded to laugh directly in his face. My opinion: “Wow, if you were my child I would have backhanded you so fast it would have made your head spin.”
Thus stemmed another debate, this time regarding the corporeal punishment of children.
My sister believes that under no circumstances should you physically discipline a child. In fact, she says it is completely illegal. She thinks physical discipline is humiliating and confusing, and does not result in any positive outcome, such as the child learning his or her lesson and not repeating the bad behavior. Me? I say spank away!
It’s no secret that I’m not a big fan of kids. I’ve said on many occasions (joking… mostly) that many of the world’s problems could be solved by putting shock collars on all of the little buggers. Throwing a fit in public because you wanted the green lollypop, not blue? TZZZZZZ!!! Having a tantrum because standing still while mommy pays for groceries is too boring? TZZZZZZ!!! Kicking and screaming because you want soda and not milk? TZZZZZZ!!! But I digress…
In all seriousness though, I’ve never even given it a second thought that I would most likely spank and/or slap my (future) children when it became necessary as a disciplinary tool. Both happened in our family when we were kids (albeit, not often), and we all turned out just fine.
Ironically, last night in my Criminal Law class we touched on this exact subject, and I learned (neener, neener, neener!) that my sister is incorrect: you ARE legally allowed to hit your children (at least in Washington state). According to RCW 9A.16.100 which addresses the use of force on children, physical discipline of a child is not unlawful when it is inflicted by a parent, teacher, or guardian for purposes of restraining or correcting the child. The force just has to be "reasonable and moderate," which means it can’t cause bodily harm greater than transient pain or minor temporary marks. Sounds about right to me.
OF COURSE I would never justify beating a child, but I am curious… what is the general consensus regarding physical discipline of children, i.e. spanking, etc.?
My sister also remembered a time she was a little less-than-thrilled about the fact that my dad was trying to lecture her, so in response she proceeded to laugh directly in his face. My opinion: “Wow, if you were my child I would have backhanded you so fast it would have made your head spin.”
Thus stemmed another debate, this time regarding the corporeal punishment of children.
My sister believes that under no circumstances should you physically discipline a child. In fact, she says it is completely illegal. She thinks physical discipline is humiliating and confusing, and does not result in any positive outcome, such as the child learning his or her lesson and not repeating the bad behavior. Me? I say spank away!
It’s no secret that I’m not a big fan of kids. I’ve said on many occasions (joking… mostly) that many of the world’s problems could be solved by putting shock collars on all of the little buggers. Throwing a fit in public because you wanted the green lollypop, not blue? TZZZZZZ!!! Having a tantrum because standing still while mommy pays for groceries is too boring? TZZZZZZ!!! Kicking and screaming because you want soda and not milk? TZZZZZZ!!! But I digress…
In all seriousness though, I’ve never even given it a second thought that I would most likely spank and/or slap my (future) children when it became necessary as a disciplinary tool. Both happened in our family when we were kids (albeit, not often), and we all turned out just fine.
Ironically, last night in my Criminal Law class we touched on this exact subject, and I learned (neener, neener, neener!) that my sister is incorrect: you ARE legally allowed to hit your children (at least in Washington state). According to RCW 9A.16.100 which addresses the use of force on children, physical discipline of a child is not unlawful when it is inflicted by a parent, teacher, or guardian for purposes of restraining or correcting the child. The force just has to be "reasonable and moderate," which means it can’t cause bodily harm greater than transient pain or minor temporary marks. Sounds about right to me.
OF COURSE I would never justify beating a child, but I am curious… what is the general consensus regarding physical discipline of children, i.e. spanking, etc.?
To spank or not to spank, that is the question…
11 comments:
My boyfriend and I have the same debate. I don't believe in hitting a child in the head or face, but I do believe that good old-fashioned spankings on the butt are completely acceptable and necessary sometimes!
That being said, I don't believe that it should leave any mark beyond maybe a bit red, no bruises or anything like that. If a child has bruises I would consider it "beating", which I absolutely do not agree with.
When I was a kid, and I acted out, my dad would form a loop with his leather belt, grab each end and snap the center together to intimidate me. I had one horrific spanking experience as a child that I will not recount here, but even still, I do condone spanking when necessary. In my eyes, it is a reasonable form of punishment ... and an effective one at that. I can honestly say that when I was spanked for a bad behavior, I did not repeat it. Now, I wouldn't make it a habit to smack the crap out of my kids every time they acted out, but I would definitely use spanking as a disciplinary tool. I do have to admit, though, that it makes me uncomfortable to see people spanking their children in public. Maybe the embarrassment only reinforces the point, but I think I'll leave spanking for behind closed doors.
I agree that it's definitely not a public act, there's nothing more uncomfortable than watching a parent hit a child in a grocery store.
I used to think I could never spank a child, until I started working with children. I know that sounds terrible, but sometimes I think there needs to be more than an empty threat of discipline. I wouldn't make a habit of it, but kids are smarter than we give them credit for; they realize if you threaten punishment and never follow through that they can get away with all sorts of things.
It's a personal choice every parent has to make for him/herself. Who I am to judge. I don't have a clue what it's like to have a maniacal child that I'm responsible for.
I'm with your sister on this one.
In my family, my dad (a big dude) just threatened the spankings when we were kids. That was effective enough. And we were little bastards. Well, not so much me, I've always been a delight.
The "correcting" in that law seems pretty vague to me.
I never think its ok to hit your kids. I think there are way better ways to discipline kids. My parents for whatever reason would tell me to "go sit on the brown chair." To this day I'm not sure what was so bad about it. It was a normal chair in the family room, but for whatever reason it worked and that meant I was in trouble
i was never physically disciplined as a child but was always threatened with a spanking and sometimes i think it made me test my parents limits to see how far i could go before they actually carried out their threat and that wasn't a good thing b/c it kind of turned me into a bad seed (just a little). I'm not saying i wish i got hit, not at all.
When it comes to my own kids, IF i ever have kids and that's a really big IF, i don't think i could, at least i hope i'm not capable of hitting my children but i'm afraid that i wouldn't be able to stop myself if nothing else worked.
hey jst gave u an award over on my blog
I can't believe that of everyone who commented, only ONE person agreed with my "no spanking" policy. Clearly I am going to have to kidnap your children and indoctrinate them in my radical "you will not be beaten for asking for a soda" ways.
Unrelated: I laugh out loud every time I read "neener neener neener." You are delightful.
Amber - I definitely agree, leaving bruises would absolutely be unacceptable under any circumstances.
Cailin - My grandpa used to do that exact same thing to scare us! And I agree, spanking in public makes me a bit uncomfortable and maybe should be saved for the privacy of your own home. Do you spank Tink much? ;-)
90s - I totally agree with the empty-threats thing. Children can be very manipulative if they are never given actual consequences for their actions.
M.J. - Touché... I may be singing an entirely different tune once I have a couple rug rats of my own...
Peter - Agreed, the law is very vague. I can imagine where it's probably created some problems in child abuse cases.
Mike - I've seen that technique a lot on parenting shows like Nanny 911 and stuff, and it does seem to work. Unfortunately, it seems like there are a lot of bad parents out there who don't know how to apply it appropriately?
shansPLC - I'm the same way. I'm not saying that I WANT to or look forward to ever spanking my children. But I worry that I don't have much patience.
rambles - THANKS! I will head over and check it out!
Erin - Indoctrinate away! You are delightful, too. Neener, neener, neener. ;-)
Thought the people who enjoyed reading this blog entry would also find this article interesting: http://www.newsweek.com/id/195119?Gt1=43002.
P.S. If Tink misbehaves badly enough, you can bet she gets a bump on the bum.
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