The American Way of Romance

A co-worker sent this to me this week and I found it so hilariously entertaining that I wanted to share it. Single girlfriends, read on… as we see below, sometimes we might just be setting our sights a tad too high…

The following exchange took place on a Craigslist New York message board on Sunday, October 14, 2007:

A Desperate Single Woman’s Question:
“What am I doing wrong? I’m tired of beating around the bush. I’m a beautiful (spectacularly beautiful) 25-year-old girl. I’m articulate and classy. I’m not from New York. I’m looking to get married to a guy who makes at least half a million a year. I know how that sounds, but keep in mind that a million a year is middle class in New York City, so I don’t think I’m over-reaching at all. Are there any guys who make 500K or more on this board? Any wives? Could you send me some tips? I dated a businessman who made around 200-250K. But that’s where I seem to hit a roadblock. $250,000 won’t get me to Central Park West. I know a woman in my yoga class who was married to an investment banker, and lives in Tribeca. She’s not as pretty as I am, nor is she a great genius. So what is she doing right? Here are my questions, specifically:

• Where do you single rich men hang out? Give me specifics – bars, restaurants, gyms.
• What are you looking for in a mate?
• Is there an age range I should be targeting?
• Why are some of the women living lavish lifestyles on the Upper East Side so plain? What’s the story there?
• Lawyers, investment bankers, doctors. How much do these guys really make? And where do the hedge fund guys hang out?
• How do you rich guys decide on marriage vs just a girlfriend? I am looking for MARRIAGE ONLY.”

An Investment Banker’s Response:
“I qualify as a guy who fits your bill – I make more than $500K per year. Here’s how I see it: Your office is a plain and simple crappy business deal. What you suggest is a simple trade: you bring your looks to the party and I bring my money. Fine, simple. But here’s the rub, your looks will fade and my money will likely continue into perpetuity – in fact, it is very likely that my income will increase, but it is an absolute certainty that you won’t be getting any more beautiful! So, in economic terms, you are a depreciating asset. In Wall Street terms, we’d call you a trading position – not a buy and hold. It doesn’t make good business sense to ‘buy you’ (which is what you’re asking) – so I’d rather lease. The deal that makes sense for me is dating, not marriage.”

Be careful ladies, or you too will be considered a “Depreciating Asset.”