So a couple months ago, sitting in my apartment with some friends, Jeanna informed me of a new term: the “ILY Stage.” I had no idea what it meant, so she had to explain that after about a year of being together, couples enter this phase – the “I Love You” stage. Interesting. I feel like there is often so much pressure on people to say I love you. It’s assumed that after a certain amount of time passes, the phrase must be said or the relationship will inevitably fail or something. Personally, I am totally happy, secure and confident in my relationship and don’t feel the need to rush into saying something just because it is “expected.” However, I sometimes feel pressure from outside parties that make me feel like I am doing something wrong. People will ask me about my boyfriend, our relationship, etc. and then immediately jump to: “So, does he say he loves you?” Well, no.
And then I feel the need to make excuses. He’s never had a girlfriend before. He probably doesn’t feel like he needs to say it. He doesn’t really talk about his feelings that much. But then I start to second guess myself. Maybe the real reason is he doesn’t know if he loves me or not. What if he simply… doesn’t.
I find it unfair that the pressure of those three stupid words make me question my relationship, and how much my boyfriend cares about me. Because I firmly believe that he does care, very much. He shows me every day just by the way he treats me. And personally, if I had to choose, I would rather have him continue to demonstrate this by his actions, which mean so much more than words in the grand scheme of things.
I think expectations really just suck, and put too much pressure on things. For example, Valentine’s Day is coming up. Blech. Just the thought of it makes me want to puke. I hate the idea of a specific calendar date dictating what should be a romantic day filled with gifts, chocolate, kisses, love – God, how annoying. I don’t mean to be a pessimist or anything, but I just don’t see the point of celebrating for something that in my opinion is for no reason. It’s just a day, but it puts so much pressure on couples to give amazing gifts, do amazing things, show off roses received at work and cards received in the mail. I CAN’T TAKE THE PRESSURE!
Help.
4 comments:
You know what... I think telling someone you love them happens at different stages for different couples. When I told Jenny I loved her, I really wanted to tell her and it was the gushing feeling... like it was totally uncontrolable and I just had to. I wanted to, I needed to. And if she wasnt ready to hear that, or on the same page, she might have flipped, but she didn't. I got lucky. ;)
People just have different styles, so your "ILY" period might not have come yet, but it will. Certainly, if you get to that uncontrolable "ILY" period and you and Stewy arent on the same page, I guess thats when you have to worry about it. But for now, enjoy what you've got. Don't put pressure on yourself (or him), trying to catch up to some BS schedule that others may try to stick to. People and relationships are like snowflakes... no two are ever the same.
And, I hate holidays where you're "supposed" to do things... Id rather get flowers on a random day than Vday... everyone gets flowers on Vday, how contrived!
saying ILY is for hobos
Responses that are not allowed when someone first tells you they love you:
"How do you know?"
"Don't be so sure."
"What is love to you?"
Shannon - I agree, I think it happens at different times for different people, too. I just hate feeling pressure, you know?
Jeanna - I love you.
Steve - Noted. I'll be sure to come up with a better response. And that girl was a cunt.
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